Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize