Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize