I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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