NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
