I CAN MOONWALK!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
