It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
