I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
