whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
