Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
