Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize