I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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