Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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