Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
