every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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