My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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