Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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