The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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