my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
