Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
