What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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