Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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