I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
