You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
