We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize