Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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