Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
