Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
