1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I would fuck him just for his dog
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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