The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
