just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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