Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
