I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
