Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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