Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
