Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Randomize
