He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
