Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
apparently the secret to your success is patron
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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