im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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