She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
