Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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