i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
