btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
