you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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