Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
