just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
