Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
