We're facebook friends in real life
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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