I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
