You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
