How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
