that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
