we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
