turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
