Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
