I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
