I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
