Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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