i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize