Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
