you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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