Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize