No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
