i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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