and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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