So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dicks are not precious.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
